I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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