Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
