Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
