i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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