I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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