I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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