"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
