Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
