she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
im six kinds of drunk right now
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
