It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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