wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
