i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
