I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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