I'm going to jail i love you
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
