Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
