I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
