Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
