Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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