Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
