I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
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