ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
