Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
