Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
