Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
stop calling my apartment porn island.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
