I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
