I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Too much gin, very little bucket
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
