GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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