Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
