Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
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