watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
