i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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