so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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