Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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