Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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