i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
