Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
