Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
