I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
