bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
