Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
