Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
