no, he came in my armpit
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
