Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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