Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize