would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
