i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
