Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
