About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
