Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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