So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
