is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
