I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
