My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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