Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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