You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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