the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
