Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
