Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
