Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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