fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
