I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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