Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
