My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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