Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
