Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
