making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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