my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize