I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
