i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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