i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
