I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
where are you?
Hypothermia
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize