Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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