Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Welp...herpes.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
