I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
