I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
