he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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