You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
As shirtless as possible
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
