whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
