You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
