Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
The beer is more important than you right now.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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