Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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