dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
We don't watch enough power rangers
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
