If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
