My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
